Monday, October 27, 2008

My sweet little angel, Conner!

I had to share about a conversation that Conner and I had yesterday.

A friend of mine, Jessica, is nearing the end of her battle with cancer. I keep up with her and pray for her through her blog. Yesterday I was reading some letters that some family and friends had written to her three young daughters, and was crying. Conner noticed me crying and this is how the conversation went from there...

C: Mommy, why are you frying?

M: One of mommies friends is very sick and she's about to be with Jesus in heaven.

C: Is she going to die?

M: Yes, baby. (And I held him up to the computer to show him her picture with her daughters.)

See..I said, this is my friend and these are her little girls.

C: So, there not going to have a mommy anymore? (Sounding very sad and concerned.)

M: (Fighting back even more tears) That's right baby, isn't that very sad. We need to pray for them so they wont be too sad. Wouldn't you be sad if mommy wasn't here anymore?

C: No. (Very matter of fact, and without a second thought, he says...) I would ask God to give me wings and I would fly up and get you and bring you back home.

M:(Not speaking at all, just admiring this precious gift from God, thanking Him that I'm not leaving, at least not today, and squeezing his little heart out!) (More tears...)

As I've been sitting on the far sidelines of Jessica's battle (she and I are not close friends, more like acquaintance), I am heartbroken over the thought of leaving my family behind. I know that God is equipping them with every strength they need to make it through the next breath, and yet I am devastated at the thought of myself being in her shoes. I could ask the questions, like why her, she's an amazing woman of God. Why those precious girls, they need their mother. Why will her husband have to carry on without her, that's just terrible. I could ask many more questions, but my answer would be the same, even if it were me instead of her. Our God is awesome and powerful and mighty and paints on a canvas so much bigger than the small picture we see. I trust beyond any form of understanding I could muster that He is doing His best in Jessica's life. That no God of mine would bring about such hurt, heartache and pain without having a much bigger, more glorifying plan in mind.

Oh, Conner, how I know that Jessica's girls wish it were that easy, to just put on some wings, fly up to heaven and bring their mommy back home! I love that you would think to come up to heaven for me! I love your honesty and simple way of seeing the world. You made mommy feel like no one could be more loved on this earth! And yet...I feel like I couldn't love anyone more.

Please lift up the Kaylor family today and take some time also to squeeze the ones you love most!

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Natalie said...

now i'm crying with you. how darling that boy conner is!

McCullough Family said...

yep! me too! Tears are flowing. Very very Hard Truths, but Truths they are. God is good and all wise.

3 Girls and a Daddy said...

That boy!! He is going to make one great husband for my mabrie ;)